Don't let the funk fool you!

TW: Eating Disorders

This blog is focused on mental health awareness and just overall wellness. I write because there may someone out here who has felt like way I have in this world. I write for my own healing, but it is a plus if I can help one person.

I have found myself only saying nice things to myself when I am in the gym working out excessively or when the scale says that "magic number". I have struggled with my body weight and obsessive ideals about eating. Some of my close friends know this about me, but they don't understand how it affects me everyday. I recently decided that I wanted to get in shape and eat a balanced diet.

In highschool I developed an eating disorder (bulimia), that I told only my counselor /therapist at the time. I was attempting to take control of my life by obsessing over my weight and the food I put in my body. I was constantly writing out my meals and over exercising to see how fast I could get to my goal weight. When I lost weight, I was praised and complemented by others, they had no idea I hadn't eaten a real meal in 3 days.

Eventually, I decided that I was either going to die or have severe health issues if I didn't begin eating a balanced meal.

There were times before when I would work out consistently and under eat to put my body at a deficit. I thought I was doing it right, and I wasn't.

I have been in a little funk, one that only a balanced diet, 5x a week at the gym and daily meditation will get me out of. I am a little wary of doing such because I know how obsessed I can be when it comes to things like this, it is easy to trigger my ED. I usually navigate between making sure that I am still eating 3 times a day and not beating myself up at the gym if I feel like I can't push myself the first week. I also do not have a scale, which is something that I know I should get to monitor my progress, but I don't want to feel emotions that are connected to those numbers. The difference this time is, I want to be in shape. I know my body will physically change however, I want to be stronger, faster and happier!

I hate getting into these 'funks' as I call it because it seriously has the potential to bring you into a depressive state. I try my best to catch it early so that I can reset my overall thinking and pick me back up. In efforts to stop myself from getting deeper into my funk, I must do some healing, some thinking and some RESETTING!

Don't let the funk fool you into thinking you have no business setting goals or taking care of yourself ! Take the time out to reset and refresh so that you can get back to YOU!